Posts Tagged ‘Children’

It’s been such a crazy 9 months with all the moving, the divorce, the kids, finding jobs… and my depression. That’s been killer. I was so proud of myself for finally coming out of my hiding place in the bathroom. The place where I hid from the world for upwards of 16 hours a day, every day hiding from my then husband. I only came out to care for my kid’s between coming home from school in the afternoon until bedtime then right back in I went until I was too exhausted to sit upright anymore so that I wouldn’t have to go to bed with him. This went on for about 8 months.

In those 8 months I reached my lowest low, I almost killed myself 3 times and I came out the other side and started to realize that I can’t live that way anymore. Now, there was A LOT going on in the background… my relationship was in nonexistent and violent and getting only worse, my kid’s were really being affected by the constant tension in the house, and I was trying to silently get my self together enough to leave.

In the spring I was able to pack my kid’s and cats and move out. Finally. Even though things are SO much better now, I still hide in the bathroom multiple times a day… but now maybe only 1 or 2 hours a day.. and not consecutively. Just when I need to breathe. I’m finding ME without restriction. I’m slowly… so slowly.. healing. I’ve got some PTSD from my last relationship but I’m working through it.

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Growing pains 

Posted: December 25, 2017 in daily life
Tags: , , , , ,

There was a time recently when my son and I were so close. My daughter and I were so close. We were a team.

As I wake up this quiet, lonely Christmas morning I can’t help but mourn the relationship I had with my children. I cried and slept all day yesterday because they are at their dad’s, where my son lives and my daughter lives part time. I want to start making Christmas breakfast but I don’t know if they’ll even come before dinner.

I have a fiancee who adores me, 2 soon to be bonus children who love me, but my own kids couldn’t really care less. My heart is so heavy.

Merry Christmas.